I think I am a Sex and Love Addict and that Scares me
I am Anjila Kaur an independent escort in Delhi. Sex and love addiction is not a phrase I use easily. It’s a disease and I’m pretty sure I have it. There is a laundry list with features of a sex and love addict; I’ve pulled those that apply to this article. There is hope for recovery from this addiction, but in the meantime, I am suffering like crazy because of these characteristics.
I am afraid of abandonment and loneliness. Some of my worst fears are feeling alone and alone. They scare the crap out of me. I’m scared to the point where I avoid them at all costs. I cling to someone, so as not to be abandoned. I do everything I can, including manipulation and control, to keep someone around. I make sure that I am never alone to avoid the bite of loneliness.
I compulsively go after one relationship after another. As long as I can remember, I was a serial monogamist. As soon as you finish (or before), I am on a different relationship. Only days after separation, I downloaded all my dating apps back to my phone. The keyword here is “compulsive” – I often know that dating is not a good idea for me, but I feel drawn to it. I rarely leave room for me to heal between lovers.
I get emotionally attached to people before I even know them. I cannot tell you how many relationships I’ve had that only last a few weeks, but I’m absolutely devastated when they end. My answer is totally exaggerated because I’m convinced that I’m basically in love with her. I get involved incredibly emotionally, I’m super vulnerable, and with someone, I barely know.
I become sexually involved in people before I even know them. That’s a personal preference – whether you’re sexually involved with someone at an early age or not, but I know I’d best operate if I did not sleep with them too soon. Nevertheless, I sometimes find myself in bed on the second date and wonder how I got there. I get sexually involved before I really know who they are. Sometimes I risk being attacked myself.
I confuse love with attraction. I am with someone and I feel an electrical spark. The connection is absolutely intoxicating. It feels like we have something really good. This is just physical attraction and maybe an emotional fairytale that goes on, but I think its love. I feel like the person is “the one” or at least someone very special. I cannot wait to see if we’re actually compatible before we jump to conclusions.
I feel empty and incomplete when I’m alone. Maybe one of the scariest features is how I feel when I’m not with someone. I feel that something is wrong with me, that I’m alone because I’m broken. There is this feeling that I am not an entire person because I am not with someone. It really is a sad and empty feeling that happens. It does not matter how much I logically know that I’m okay alone, I cannot shake off the feeling of emptiness.
I become immobilized by romantic or sexual fantasies/obsessions. My last experience of being incapacitated by obsession is when my ex and I split up. After the breakup, I could not stop thinking about contacting him. I was desperate to come back together and fantasize about how things could be different. These thoughts were so daunting that they ruined the whole days. They sucked up so much energy that I could not live my life. This kind of compulsive thinking is not unusual for me.
I attach myself to people who are emotionally unreachable. It’s as if people who are emotionally unreachable have a flashing light on their head that shows me their way. I do not know how I manage to pick them, but I do. I’m involved with people who can not give me what I need, and that just makes me want more. I continue to hunt them and connect more with them. It makes no logical sense, but I think that’s the nature of addiction.
I give others magical qualities and blame them when reality falls short of expectations. I create fantasies about who the other person is; they blow up to be bigger than life. For example, if I think of someone who will “always be there for me,” then I will be devastated if their humanity inevitably shows and they cannot be there for me. My expectations are far too great and I make the other person be superhuman, then I get very upset when they prove they are not. My expectations are far too great and I make the other person superhuman, then I get very upset when they prove they are not.
I use sex or emotional dependence as a substitute for care, caring, and support. True care, care, and support should come from everywhere. It should come from friends, family, professionals, parishioners, etc. It can also come from partners, but they should not be the only caregiver, especially if they do so in the form of co-dependency. That’s not really important; it’s part of the disease. Sometimes I also use sex to satisfy my emotional needs. It works as well as pavement on a sinking ship.